Just some inspiring words of wisdom I think help me through the day.

-We can't have everything we want. We can aspire to anything, but that doesn't mean we get it just because we want it. I would rather spend my time close to the birds than wishing I had wings to fly.

-Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

-Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

-Artifical Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

-If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

-My idea of housework is sweep the room with a glance.

-Not one shred of evidence supports that life is serious.

-It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

-For every actions there is an equal and opposite government program.

-If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

-Eat well, stay fit...die anyway....

-Bills travel through the mail twice the speed of checks.

-A conscience is what hurts when all the other parts of you feel good.

-Men are from Earth....Women are from Earth....Deal with it...

-A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

-Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places

-Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

-Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

-There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

-Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

-By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

-If you worry you die and if you don't worry you die so why worry.

-Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

-Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

-People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered. Love them anyway.

-If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

-If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

-The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

-Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

-The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

-People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

-What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

-People really need help but may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.

-Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

-I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

-I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

-Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

-There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

-Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

-Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

-Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

-I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

-Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

-My Reality Check bounced.

-On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

-I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

-Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

-Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

-Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?


- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

- Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

- Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

- I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

-Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

- Death is hereditary.

- There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

- An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.


- When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

- They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

- I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

- If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

- Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

- Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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